Lost Hats and Smiles I Can Spare
by Cigarettes-and-Knives
Summary: Jarlaxle loses his precious hat and for once...Artemis is happy...for unexpected reasons, of course. After all, how can he smile when Jarlaxle is so down-in-the-dumps? Jarlemis.


"Oh, Artemiiiiiis!" chimed a certain Drow, who was jogging down the cobblestone alley towards his counterpart. Artemis Entreri whirled around from his spot crouching down behind a barrel, and he did not look amused.

"What?" Entreri snapped, glaring at the dark elf who was running down the alley towards him. Artemis paused for half of a second when he noticed the elf's expression. He looked very sad. Not that he should care...

"Artemis! I lost my hat!" Jarlaxle pouted, looking like he was on the verge of tears. He stared down at his boots and ran a hand over his bald head, really seeming to miss the giant, girly thing.

Entreri stood up abrupty and stared the Drow down.

"You what?" Artemis asked, not quite sure that he heard the elf right. Him? Lose his hat? One of his most prized items? It didn't seem possible! Of course, he wasn't saying that he missed the damn thing. It always seemed to get in his way, and it was so annoying and colorful, what with that gigantic annoying feather...

"I lost my hat..." Jarlaxle muttered, looking sadly up at his assassin companion.

"You...lost...your damn hat..._that's_ what what so important? _That's_ why you had to interrupt my latest task?" Artemis growled, taking a step towards the elf. "And how do you lose that flamboyant thing anyway? It's not like it's a very normal thing to lose!"

"I know, I know." Jarlaxle mumbled with a twitch of his fingers. "But um, I cannot find it anywhere, I'm afraid...would you...help me look for it?" Jarlaxle asked with puppy eyes and a slight pout on his full, dark lips. Artemis pondered for a moment. Full, dark lips? ...They seem...quite kissable...Artemis stopped himself from shaking his head. By the kings, no! What cursed spirit made him think such a thought?

"Dammit, Jarlaxle, why not just go by a new hat?"

"Not all hats have such properties as this one, now do they, comrade?" Jarlaxle asked with a sad smirk. Artemis bit back a witty comment and sighed.

"No, I suppose not...but why not go look at some hats...and see if you find one you like?" The assassin proposed with an uncaring shrug.

"I...suppose I could...but unless we can find one with such a magical feather, I think we're out of luck." Jarlaxle said before turning on the heels of his boots and walking back towards the market ring with his friend right behind me.

'Someone help me. I'm helping a Drow search for a new fancy hat. What have I turned into?' Artemis thought to himself.

So the two set off to the market ring in search of a new hat for Jarlaxle.

"See any hats that are...reasonable?" Artemis asked boredly, leaning up against a post. Honestly, Jarlaxle had picked up, twirled, put on, and stared at every hat that the market ring had to offer and he still hadn't found one that he liked. None were _his_ hat...

"Nooo..." Jarlaxle said sadly as he placed the red cap back in its place. Jarlaxle rolled his eyes. The Drow should be lucky that he's even allowed to look at the merchandise. Being a Drow in most towns didn't mean getting a royal treatment after all.

Jarlaxle gave up after a while and the two strolled back to the inn. They came to their room and Jarlaxle flopped face-down onto the bed and sighed heavily. He buried his face in the pillows and sighed again.

"Quit moping about like a stray cat! It's just a hat. Good riddance, I say." Artemis quipped, peeling his boots off and heading into the small bathroom. Entreri took off his cape and vest and hung them over a rack. "I can't even believe you lost the thing. That's like saying you misplaced your cape! Maybe if you weren't so spacey, you'd actually be able to keep up with half of your things!" He was going to keep on ranting, but the assassin spotted something hanging on the back of the bathroom door...

Jarlaxle remained silence. He really was upset...

Artemis couldn't believe it! He felt like whooping for joy (decided against it very quickly), and cursing at Jarlaxle in every known language at the same time. Jarlaxle's hat hung on the hook, missing its master's bald head! Artemis growled. That damn Drow drug him to town, pulled him away from his very important task, and made him sit in the blazing sun for three hours while he browsed through hats! And his hat was right here all along! Artemis snatched the hat off the hook and placed it behind his back. He then slowly strolled into the bedroom where Jarlaxle was lying down on the bed, drowning in self-pity.

"But, then again, for an elf like you, it isn't hard to believe that you lost something so dear to you...and because you're so scatter-brained, it doesn't surprised me that you were so busy thinking about something else, that you lost your hat," Jarlaxle managed to glare up at him with one lazy eye. "But," Artemis began again. "It's a good thing that you have a clever person by me to help you in these dreadful situations." He rambled with a twitch of his lips (that he didn't dare to become a smile) as he pulled the hat out from behind him.

Jarlaxle shot up and stared at his hat curiously. It was really his hat! A big toothy grin spread out along his face as he grabbed it from his friend's hands and placed it on his head.

"Thank you, Artemis! Where did you find it?" Jarlaxle asked swiftly as he pounced on Entreri for a greatful, suffocating hug. Artemis' eyes widened as Jarlaxle squeezed the life out of him...he'd never been...hugged before. Artemis stepped away and abruptly pushed the Drow off of him. Jarlaxle looked upset by the gesture but he ignored it.

"I found it in the blasted bathroom, you moron. You really should be more clever than that, Drow." The assassin quipped, sitting on his bed. Jarlaxle's eyes widened.

"Really? I thought I had looked in the bathroom..." he muttered thoughtfully, stroking his chin with a gloved hand. Artemis grunted in response and fell backwards onto his back, staring up at the gray ceiling.

"I'm uh..I apologize for interrupting your business today just to look for my hat.." Jarlaxle whispered with a small smile, sitting cross-legged facing Entreri. Artemis grunted again. "What...were you doing today anyway?" The Drow inquired. This made Artemis' eyes snap open. A light blush that he didn't let the Drow see rose upon his cheeks.

"Nothing of importance." He said quickly in response.

Jarlaxle, knowing what game Artemis was playing, decided to strike a deal. "I'll tell you what I may have been thinking of that made me lose my hat, if you tell me what you were doing today." Artemis thought for a moment...it does take a lot to make Jarlaxle lose his precious hat...he suppose he could risk the sentiment...

"Fine. But we say it at the same time."

"Deal."

"I was thinking of you-"  
>"I was buying you a day of birth present-"<p>

Both of their eyes widened. And for once...Artemis smiled.


End file.
